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minerva is The current mood of yannisnow at www.imood.com

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

i past by a church once and they have this big banner outside which says
"gay but not happy?" christians or i shud say these copywriters from the churches are
quite creative aye? once they have something like "thank Me its Friday"
heh.suddenly God is so freaking cool and hip. he might just be wearing
your latest Obey trucker cap or have some bling2 on shaking his head to the latest tunes of 50 cents. heh. maybe he could come in the form of Tupac as a rapper since till now u guys dun even noe whether he is really dead or not.coz he is immortal wot.
enuff of my crap. anywae gay.the gahmen shud let em marry then they will be happy.
juz look at the foreign workers u see walkin around on sundays holding hands.
they are one happy lot man.
-----
heres us on one of those saturday nights where we spent hours in the dressing room(in the see-thru toilet actually) getting ready. yes, he too, esp wif his "is my hair ok?","i tink i look better in white" . yeah he is more fussy than me! oh and he called this morning.which explains the cheery mood i am in now. heh.

and of course praying for his safety always. some typhoon is expected in the evening where his camp is in kaohsiung,taiwan.if the weather gets really bad, they might juz get to fly home in a few days time!
oh as i speak, we are six months and 5 days old!it seems like it has been forever after all that we have gone thru the past 6 mths.at least after this,i wont be alone on our future anniversary.coz he wont be goin overseas anymore!

posted @ 11:22 am


Tuesday, August 30, 2005

photography exhibit
singapore's first digital imaging gallery
epson imaging gallery
501 orchard road
wheelock place #03-18/19
11am-9pm
3 august - 18 september
admission free

these slides were shot in the seventies but they were never put together for the simple reason that it would have been too costly. with the comin of digital age and digital printing, it became simple to reenact the pagda street of the seventies.
----
now I'm alone. I love my time alone but I love him more so I'm missing him now.i miss watchin him sleep,he always falls into a deep slumber on the couch outside while watchin dvds.I love watching him sleep. I would stare at his goatee as deep slumber takes over. I would curl my finger around one stray lock of his hair at his neck.he juz loves it when i do dat. And waves of unconditional love would pour out of me like flashflood. Behind each stubble and each curl holds my future. An enchanted place where I know I will be loved and I will love back and all other dreams become possibilites because I have the drive to believe in myself because I am worthy of love. And when each hair holds a wrinkle, when each curl turns grey and when each breath is breathless as age takes its toll, I know I will love him still, as much, if not more, as I love him now. years ago, I didn't think love would encapsulate itself in questionable forms of goatee and messy hair. I realize now that love is a clever little thing that found me and moulded itself to fit me.
why am i writing like this. Maybe it's the pms now. my hormones went crazy. Or maybe it's just because as a woman falls deeper and deeper in love with someone, all she wants to do is have his kids.
baby,please be home quick.

posted @ 2:04 pm


Monday, August 29, 2005

thank you for spending time wif me over the weekend.thanks for listening to my endless ramblings of him. i really appreciate the company and u sacrificing ur time meant for your boyfriend to actually stay home wif me. heart u.we will do kick-leg session again soon ok.

we juz havta endure 2 more weeks away from each otha.everytime one of his missing-you-so-much msgs came in, i teared.and when he calls,it juz kills to know its only goin to last for like a minute or two.to know that he is missing me just as much as im missin him, n he is feelin miserable not being able to be by my side gives me a reason to love him more,to forgive and forget.

all i need now is a good read, a good movie, a good workout and friends.

im so glad that i actually took the initiative last week to call up great friends from the school to come over to the place for a gathering cum birthday celebration on sunday.so i had company yesterdae evening. a great one.
it could have been one of those lonely n lost sundays if not for these great people in my life. these were my secondary mates. went thru thick & thin wif em. and finally after months of not seeing some of em, yesterdae was one to tighten the bonds and to catch up on things. everyone seems to be doin well, new career, some are furthering their studies and some has new cars. there were the sad news too of breakups and all.
it was really nice cuddling up and just pouring out the has-beens in our lives to each otha,sitting on the dusty wooden floor of the balcony,wif the dim light on.
the bestest loves the prezzie i got fer her. heh, i was in shabby wworn-out grunge tee when she came, and she forced me to change into something nice n to put on some makeup.so i did.haha. nowadays i juz cant be bothered to dress up.i dunno why.i feel so down.
the gals are coming down again 2 weekends from now. looking forward to another not-so-lonely-weekend-without-the-man.
another working week, a busy one where time juz zooms past,where i don feel so lost missing him so much.




posted @ 11:14 am


Friday, August 26, 2005

things are changin for the better. the man has help me tremendously on the finance side. im adapting well to the new working environment. i realise that sometimes i do wanna go home and spend timee wif mum n not find it a drag to go all the way back to jelapang.
everything seems sunny. until wednesday night happened.
now im having flashbacks of it everytime im alone.nightmares even when im awake.
but...
i love you.

babe, i love you too.and im not shutting you out.thank you for coming into my room that night.we will spend saturday together ok. see ya at home later

posted @ 9:21 am


Wednesday, August 24, 2005

i almost cried in the bus this mornin. the being seated beside me was wanking!
at first he was scratching himself nonstop. i was totally disturbed by that, which made 95% of my butt jutting out of the seat and me seating in an awkward manner.
then i noticed his hands were on his crotch n his arms was moving up and down,
vigorously. his hands rubbed against mine.i pushed him away and now both my legs
were planted outside the seat along the aisle. i dare not look after that, coz wot is aw from the corner of my eye was that his big duffle bag was now on his lap n he looked like he was in a spasm attack. i called the man and told him about it.
the man suggested i either get down,or shout fer help or pass the phone to the
deprived man and let the man do the talking.
i immediately stood up and the man gave me some tips on what to do in case this kinda things happen again(i hope not!)
as a woman, i could easily slap this man n attract attention and people will help me.
i could shout fer help and some gentleman beside me will come to my rescue.
oh well, i was so traumatised, i didnt wanna shout in case the lunatic gets violent.
tatot sey tadik!

posted @ 10:38 am


Tuesday, August 23, 2005

just random thoughts.
the man had a nightmare last night. he dreamt dat he was confronted wit the otha guy in the house. the person was saying in the dream
"i dun remember u guys being tenant"
and dat scared the shite out of him. as always even when he is awake.he woke up sweating profusely thinkin he shud get out of the house.haha.hilariously cute.
why are there massive recruitment campaigns fer the army everywhere now? the tunnel to lido theatres, the trains, buses. and when someone send in an application to sign on with the army, the army totally rejects them. u still look at the colour of the skin perhaps.
do u realise that every single year, the part of the rally where the leader speaks in the malay language, he will point out the same freaking thing. it happens every year, its like a repeat.like the script for malay is recycled coz he prolly hav no idea wot to talk abt to the community.
do u guys still remember one of the first chinese halal eatery at far east plaza? first muslim. it used to be where es teler is now. every single weekend, id head on down to the restaurant, a not so well litted one,dim.but serves cheap nice chinese food. it used to be the favourite haunt of every teenager back then coz thats the only place where u can try char siew wanton noodles which is halal! and then there was sakura. the service at first muslim started to drop. they were servin little portions and increased their prices. i stopped goin there and frequent sakura n cahaya more.and one day the restaurant juz dissapeard.losing out to competitions.

the man flying off on friday night. tryin to ask fer a day off so i could spend the rest of the day with him.
i'll prolly head back to the parents' place fer the first few days he is away. its kinda hard to get malay food at the nw place im workin so by goin back, i'll get packed lunch prepared by mum every morning. and of course, the loneliness won creeps in that easily.
i should try out the gym one day. with the flatmate. but she seems kinda busy with schoolwork nowadays. poor her. i'll go with her once first and see how it is. if the gym looks fine, i'll have time to kill after work when the man is not around.
then the two weeks will pass in a fleet.

posted @ 9:18 am


Friday, August 19, 2005

triumph finally. good over evil. Alhamdullilah.

posted @ 10:02 am


Wednesday, August 17, 2005

it has only been my third day here. and they are already trustin me wif a one
helluva project. it would be a great boost if the company gets the tender from
this particular gahmen organization. and not to mention, looks good on my resume and portfolio too! cant wait for the presentation on monday to the client and see wot they have to say about my designs.and the designs i have to start working on not the usual corporate boring ones but a really fun interactive website!
ive been busy since the first day i came. the company doing events, managing websites, designs for various big companies. and its an ongoing thing. as long as the contract says we are still doin services for these companies, i will be busy with email blast, web portals and such. its definitely much more challenging and of coz, at the end of day i do get tired from gettin all the creative juices flowing out. i like it tho.
i get the satisfaction of gettin n seeing my job completed and go on live and gettin praises from the client. im lurving this. i lurve my job. i decided to do this when i fnished my Os and never have i tot that i'd come this far.all thanks to Him of course.

posted @ 4:44 pm



i really love mornings. treasure the few minutes a lot. the best time of the day. dats when he makes breakfast fer me, where we have breakfast together and then he walks me to the bus-stop every single day, even tho work starts really late in the afternoon for him. and its walk and the time waiting fer the bus is what i lurve best. thats when we really talk. every single thing dats on our mind, new ideas, plans for the near future,plans for the day. dats when we really communicate. when we have the best conversation. sometimes intelectual ones as we read the morning papers, too intelectual it is stimulating enuff. his wits, intelligence and of coz, him being so street smart is one of the many reasons im so proud that he is mine. my mornings aint gonna be the same without him. he is flying off again soon. sigh.

posted @ 9:37 am


Sunday, August 14, 2005

its been a week since i last updated. went fer a well deserved break before i start working at the new place. wouldnt call it quality time spent wit the man but its better than nuting. the army juz keeps gettin on my nerves.
did quite a few stuffs the past ten days or so. finally met up wit the lovely ladies of k&k on national day itself.some catchin up wit ma bitch, disslexic,at last! went back twice this week to the mum's. got the best friend and her man to come over to the humble abode. went to the 24hrs macdonalds at the beach juz across the estate with the flatmate,aka double date. went to JB twice to get cheap freakin good movies/dvds. fish platter dinna wif da man. got some longtime neva meet girlfriends to drop by on sunday and chill.caught wonder falls and gilmore gals.watched smallville n trading spouses wif the man.accompanied the man till the wee hours to play the xbox.
had a really good talk wit the man. confiding in him my current problems and of course loads of reflection done afterwards. we still have a long way to go. clinch a freelance project for the month.a first.convinced the sister to get me the new laptop first
come end of the week. heh.
quite a hell load of things done there. all before things get really busy at the new workplace. lets hope this will be a steppin stone,a step higher up the corporate ladder.will be much much busier and a completely new environment than the previous one. i will be doin designs fer major big companies out ther and i certainly hope it will be a tremendous help to improve the portfolio. im not sure if the pasture is greener but if i dont take the risk of moving on, im not goin anywhere right? being the nature of the previous company as
an entertainment hub and f&b outlet, i dont see myself climbing up the corporate ladder there. i will juz be stuck in one corner updating websites like once a week for the rest of my life and not learnin anything new. it is such a bore to just surf nonstop fer hours and time passes slowly coz basically i have not much to do. which explains why i left. i was there fer a year n i made loads of friends. n experience werkin in such an environment where entertainment,booze and socilaizing is important. but there comes a time when all these gotta stop and we move on. so here i am. starting afresh all over again. fer a better future

posted @ 4:26 pm


Thursday, August 04, 2005

why am i making such a big fuss over a molehill? this is gonna werk out and things are gonna change fer the betta. in the future. in the near future. things are working out great. theres juz a few things that needs more attention and together with support from each otha we gonna make our dreams come true.

i dunno wot else to rant abt some times. i would love to vent out woteva been bothering me now but it seems like bringing out my dirty linens out in the open.
so wot else can i talk abt otha than my love life?yes, yes...there she goes again..talking abt her bf, as if she's the only one living in a relationship. yeap, i know many people would say dat abt my blog. maybe im being over-sensitive but i can sense it. so yeah, i admit to talking a lot abt the man, maybe it makes u wanna gag, but hey, dat wasnt the intention. it was never the purpose to rub my lovelife into evryone's face. its never the thought to be pompuous abt the relationship i have. lets juz say woteva i have with him is so far the best that ever happen to me. he makes me happy, he makes me smile and when we argue, it'll never take more than an hour to cool down. he has definitely help me a lot.ive become more cofident and street smart now all thanks to him. he help me overcome my weaknesses.so you see ive found the right one and i juz cant help proclaiming to evryone that ive found him.
yes some of you skeptics may say " but u were in love before but where did it go?" and "are u sure he is the one?"
well, i guess i juz lost myself in the previous relationship. and then there were the in-betweens who came and go where i was just desperate or prolly still not quite sure what i was looking for.i learnt a lot from all these. friends see me change, i guess im a much cheery person now. they see me fluctuate from being in cloud nine to dungeons.but dat was all the past.behind all the flaws in this man, i see a future ahead of us. a really bright one together.
i really see myself walkin down the aisle with this man albeit the cooking. heh. but im willing to burn the kitchen down to cook a decent meal for the man in my life.he's the one. and i shall continue singing his praises u guys may like it, u guys may not. u guys may judge me. hell, u may be doing it right now. but its okay. im happy,if u're a stranger passing by, go ahead and judge. if u're a friend, i just hope u're happy for me.

posted @ 3:29 pm



downed the pills. held the mobile tight near my chest and in seconds i guess i fell into slumberland. until the mobile beeped at 1235am.
returned the sms with a phone call. a phone call enough to cure the heart. of missing the loved one. and in just ten minutes, its over. duty calls. i cried myself to sleep again. not because it was a short convo, not because i didnt get to see loved one fer the past few days. but of the predicament im in now. the situation. how big a slump ive fallen myself into.
i woke up again. checked the mobile. 0335hr. it took me another hour before i could get back to sleep. its like in that one hour, i was in delirium. i keep hearing voices. and to avoid it, i tossed and turned. covered my ears with the pillows. i was tryin to escape. avoiding. the exact same voices i run to for help, to cry myself out. and now i cant accept the words thats coming from these voices.
am i juz living a lie? am i really happy?

posted @ 1:51 pm


Wednesday, August 03, 2005

have been sick. realy really sick. like cant get out of bed sick. if i get up, the world starts spinning. sick + boyfriend out of town + flatmate out of town = lonely + sad = miserable.
so to escape being extra miserable me went back to mum's place. at least i have someone to take care of me. n i have haqeem to play with despite me transferring the germs to him.
not much to update. coz im still groggy. almost fell on sumone in the train today. a sudden rush of headache as i was getting up from my seat. everything was a haze.
three more days before my holiday starts and two more days before the man comes back.
looks like i only have my books n dvds for company these few nights.
oh oh the mucus is flowing down freely..
meleler...........

posted @ 10:10 am


::tag it::



PICS UPDATED!
my birthday peeks
feezaa's wedding pics
k&K ranDOm PIcs
beach BUmmING
Toot's Bdae!

SAWADEEKAP pics from BKK trip

MEMeK's BDAY!

Ain's Wedding

Wreck'S Bday

madness
Baybeats & MIsc
haIr RaiSIng!
Sheila on 7

sherein. disslexic. ariaz. isz. wan. nura. suhaila. sofyn . ave . nish . eddy . ayu . shai .diah . kruzgal . jetaime. izad&hana. rouge. le_tya. herda. devlin . simplyhana . . pinky . orange . billa . senorita .. wreck . mas . pearl . pweet . melia . biodeth . nizar . aidil . blackwitch aka suhaila . ar dia . nurul .shazila .


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